A little side note before I dive in: I'm going to sway away from general life "stuff" on this website. I have an exciting project in the works, and I promise you'll soon see those pieces and much more on another platform. With that, I'm rededicating this space to the joyful, overwhelming, silly and real journey of being a yoga teacher. And with that...
It's such an out of body experience to sit in front of a classroom and produce a dharma talk. (In other words, the lesson for the class outside of making sure your ankle is properly positioned under your knee.)
I'm 27 years old. I've lived a life. I've done stuff. But, really, what do I know?
I get a little miffed when some folks preach that yoga teachers aren't real. That some of us don't practice what we preach. That some of us say to be patient, kind, calm, etc. but we aren't REAL about it.
Here's the thing, which is ultimately just an opinion. My job isn't to walk into the studio and unload my energy and my junk. To unload my rough day at work. To unload the fight I had with my family. To unload my feelings of self doubt.
My responsibility is to SHOW UP for my students. My responsibility is to unload whatever it is at the door and pick it up on my way out. (Ironically, one might notice that my backpack is literally placed outside the door of the studio.) My responsibility is to hold a space that is positive, fun and productive NO MATTER how I'm feeling.
But with that idea is a truly amazing truth: the students are holding a positive, fun, productive space for me too. A space where I can let go of my day, of my worries, of my nerves and be the real me. We get as much as we give, if not more, in the studio, and, for me, there is no better place to be as real and as authentic as I come. And who's to say that a bundle of joy and positivity isn't exactly the person I am meant to be? And maybe my time teaching is the exact right opportunity for me to focus on this desired state?
So what do I know? I know that I'm working just as hard and just as regularly on all of these lessons that I talk about as I sit in front of class. That even though I'm approaching my classes with hope, light and energy, doesn't mean that I'm not real. I know that being positive was - and still IS - a struggle for me. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try and be the teacher - and the person - I want to be.